To have a winner’s mentality, you have to stop caring what other people think. You’ve gotta get quiet in your own head.
So many people make big life decisions based on other people’s opinions. You care so much about what your mom, dad, brother, or friends think that you’re allowing them to dictate your actions in life.
At the core of it, the barriers so many people have aren’t really about “money” or “time.” They’re about opinions.
It’s the biggest reason so many people are unhappy right now. Because they value someone else’s opinion more than their own.
Once you get past that, life can get real good.
Here’s how you can get quiet in your own head:
Take feedback with context from others
The best way to take feedback is to understand where the feedback is coming from.
What’s the agenda behind the feedback? What’s the intent?
For example, so many parents tell their kids what direction they should go in their lives. But parents have an agenda too. Many parents are insecure, and use their kids’ success to justify their own self-esteem.
So they tell Ricky to go to Princeton because they want to brag about it — not because it’s the best move for their kid.
And it goes broader than just parents.
The truth is, no one has 100% context on your life outside of you. The reason I don’t value my wife’s or my mom’s opinion more than my own is because they don’t know 100% of everything.
I have empathy for their opinions because I understand how they could come to their conclusions with limited context.
But I don’t take those opinions to heart.
Regret is the biggest poison of all time
When I was younger, I would go up to old people and talk to them. I’d ask them to tell me about their life. And their opening line was, “I wish.”
Every one of them — at parks, bars, airports — all started with what they wish they did differently.
They wished they worked harder. They wished they spent more time with their family. They wished they didn’t listen to their Mom and did what they wanted to do.
They wished.
Spend a day volunteering in an old folk’s home, and you’ll see it yourself.
It’s so devastating to me that your life’s choices are being dictated by the opinions of people who you won’t care about when you’re 92 years old.
Don’t judge yourself
Sometimes, people tell me that the negative voice in their head isn’t someone else’s — it’s their own.
But the truth is, someone else put that negative voice there.
Your mom, dad, aunt, uncle is being negative towards you and it gets in your head — until you think that negative voice is your own.
So many people judge themselves for “underachieving” even though they’re in normal positions.
21 year olds judge themselves for not having their life “figured out”, even though virtually no 21 year old knows what they want to do yet. Parents judge themselves on how they’re raising their kids. Entrepreneurs judge themselves on how they’re running their business.
Be your own biggest fan, instead of critiquing every move you make.
Surround yourself with people who are optimistic
The only way I know to build confidence is by surrounding yourself with people who are optimistic.
Who you hang out with is a HUGE deal and most people don’t take it seriously enough.
It’s what happens in any team — traits like confidence and hunger get passed around, just like negativity and pessimism. It’s why a great player can mess up a team if she or he is not a good person.
Surrounding myself with winners has brought unbelievable ROI for me.
I forced myself to go to SXSW in 2007 and hang out with ambitious kids who had dreams of changing the world. It brought me unbelievable opportunities and friendships. I started meeting people like Mark Zuckerberg, Ev Williams, Chris Sacca, and Travis Kalanik.
I see it with my team too. It’s amazing how much more confident, faster, and smarter they get after hanging around me.
But I get it. Cutting out negative people is hard. Especially if it’s your mom or dad or a friend you’ve been hanging out with since 4th grade.
If your Mom’s bringing you down, talk to her less. If your friend from your old neighborhood, hang out with him for 3 hours a week instead of 7.
If you can’t cut people out, spend less time with them.
You’d be stunned how your life changes.
If you’ve read this far, I think you’ll get a lot of value out of this video. Check it out and leave your 2 cents below 😉
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What an empowering read, Gary! 🌟 I absolutely loved your take on letting go of what others think. It’s such a liberating feeling to realize that our self-worth shouldn’t depend on external opinions! Your advice about focusing on our own values and passions really resonates with me. It’s all about living authentically and not getting bogged down by the noise around us. 🎉 I especially appreciated your reminder that everyone is on their own journey, and we should celebrate our uniqueness instead of comparing ourselves to others. Thank you for sharing these powerful insights and encouraging us to embrace our true selves! I’m excited to apply this mindset in my life and see how it transforms my confidence. Here’s to living boldly and unapologetically! Keep inspiring us, Gary! 🚀
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Yo Gary, just finished reading this piece, and man, it totally hits home! Seriously, this whole “stop caring what others think” thing is so crucial. It’s like, we spend so much time worrying about everyone else’s opinions that we forget what we actually want. Your point about focusing on our own journey and happiness? Gold!
It’s tough sometimes, right? But you’re spot on – their opinions are just that, opinions. They don’t pay our bills or live our lives. I’m definitely gonna try and internalize this more. It’s about time we all gave ourselves permission to just be ourselves, flaws and all. Thanks for the reminder, Gary! Keep dropping the truth bombs! 🔥
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Hey Gary, just finished reading this, and man, it hits home! You’re so right – we get way too caught up in what everyone else thinks. It’s like we’re living our lives for their applause, not our own happiness. The point about regret really stuck with me. Imagining my 92-year-old self wishing I’d just done my own thing is a major wake-up call.
I love how you break down where those negative voices come from – it’s often not even our own thoughts! And the tip about surrounding yourself with optimists? Genius! It’s like a positivity shield. Seriously, this article is a breath of fresh air. It’s time to tune out the noise and crank up my own inner voice. Thanks for the straight talk and the kick in the pants I needed! Let’s all focus on our own journeys, yeah? 💪
“BOOM. This hit me like a triple shot of espresso! 🔥 Gary, you’re 100% right—worrying about opinions is like running a race with ankle weights. I’ve wasted SO much time overthinking ‘what if they judge me?’ until I realized: the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter.
Your point about speed > perfection? GAME CHANGER. I used to obsess over making things ‘flawless’ and missed opportunities. Now? I launch fast, learn faster, and let the haters fuel my hustle.
The ‘safe culture’ bit? YES. Nothing kills creativity like office politics. When you stop fearing sideways looks, you start building sideways momentum.
Thanks for the kick in the pants—time to mute the noise and double down on doing. LFG! 🚀”
Your point about speed > perfection? GAME CHANGER. I used to obsess over making things ‘flawless’ and missed opportunities. Now? I launch fast, learn faster, and let the haters fuel my hustle.
The ‘safe culture’ bit? YES. Nothing kills creativity like office politics. When you stop fearing sideways looks, you start building sideways momentum.
Alright Gary, just finished devouring this piece, and you nailed it! It’s wild how much mental energy we waste worrying about everyone else’s opinions. Seriously, it’s like we’ve got this imaginary audience judging our every move. The part about parents projecting their insecurities onto their kids? So true! It makes you think about where these ingrained fears even come from.
I’ve totally been there, letting the “what ifs” and “what will they think?” hold me back. But you’re right, at the end of the day, it’s our life. Why live it on someone else’s terms? This article is a great reminder to just be ourselves, flaws and all. Thanks for keeping it real and giving us the permission slip to finally stop caring so damn much! Let’s get after our own definition of success, not someone else’s. 🔥
And yes, creating your own safe space where judgment doesn’t hold you back is so important. When you free yourself from that mental cage, creativity flows like never before. This article is such a powerful reminder to focus on your path and not get distracted by noise around us.
Thanks for the motivation boost—time to shut out the haters and just GO! 🚀
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