How To Become Friends With Gary Vaynerchuck

Posted by | June 13, 2014 | Uncategorized | 9 Comments



I’ve done business with Adriano in the past, and I would consider him a “close acquaintance,” which is probably the root of his question! If he lived in NYC, and I wasn’t so busy 24/7-365 he’d probably go from an acquaintance to a lightweight friend.

Anyway, I think this is a very interesting question. A lot of people talk about social media and numbers like “700 friends,” and get upset with it.

“These aren’t your real friends,” is always the response. Setting aside the subjectivity of what it means to be a “friend” in real life, the idea of having that many connections on a social platform is something that is interesting to think about. The thing that I look at isn’t the increase in the number of “friendships,” but the way that we’re going through the golden era of the acquaintance.

I basically have 20 more friends now than I had in 2009 when I started Wine Library TV. At the same time, I have maybe 17,000 more acquaintances. That is really fascinating to me (and probably the foundation of a more in-depth blog post to come), but let me get back to the original question.

The way I choose my friends is completely predicated on one thing: Life is hard enough, and there are a lot of people in your life that you can’t pick (although I’ve been pretty fortunate in that regard), so when I have the luxury of picking, the number one thing I’m looking for is ease.

Of course I want someone who brings me happiness, and shares my interests, but most of all, I want someone who makes it easy. I want a friendship I don’t have to work for, a relationship that comes naturally. You don’t expect anything, and I don’t expect anything, other than the friendship. That, to me, is gold.

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  • Ryan Montgomery

    The phrase that comes to mind when I think about relationships that aren’t easy is “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. Truer words have been seldom spoken.

  • sherrychobot

    Rock and Roll Gary,,,much love,,, remember the good ole days when i was the Dotcom gal?? peace

  • Pamela Reynell

    Hi there Gary I happen to have the privilege of working with some young people in a skills empowerment centre here in Kampala Uganda called the S7 project. The curriculum I have developed for the is called choices and consequences and of course doing what you love and are passionate about is at the core. The question about friends is a big one as it can have big consequences. 90% of this kids name their friends as the main influence in their life so I would add that a good quality in a friend is someone who will help you towards loving what you do and doing what you love. With love light and laughter from KLA

  • ForFreedom

    Disagree about picking easy friends. If one thinks about it, many times one’s most significant relationships will be those that are the most difficult. Think about your spouse or your kids. “Real” (intimate, honest) relationships are super hard sometimes, but also the most rewarding in the long run.

    However, life’s busy, and I completely understand the necessity of being judicious with how one chooses to invest their time.

  • Chloe Forbes-Kindlen

    After reading this, my initial thoughts were ‘you don’t pick your friends.’ It’s not like going to the cinema and picking what sweets you want to include your bag. It seemed so impersonal and fake…ugh! Then I really thought about it. How do I pick my friends? I don’t. They come naturally with zero effort at all. I think some people just connect, it’s in their DNA. I guess this is what you mean by ease… right again @garyvaynerchuk:disqus ! Thanks for the words of wisdom.

  • Jan

    Great question, great answer. Growing up with 5 sisters and a brother, they are still my inner circle of friends. I never needed many friends outside of them growing up. As we each started families of our own, the outer friend circles grew and are as diverse as you can get. Each adds a new perspective, especially since my work is somewhat nomadic.

  • Tim Fargo

    Reminds me of this quote by Robert Brault…I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

  • James

    Friendship to me is about loving others as you love yourself. Jesus loves us all more than we love our self. He loves us just as we are and wants everyone to know this! I have many more friends – real friends whom I care deeply about and pray for. Be blessed everyone and know God loves you too – more than you will ever know.


    I think a friendship built on no expectations and no judgement is probably the best friendship you can have. Accepting people for who they are and getting the same in return just feels good I believe.

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